Five qualities to look for in a companion

When you try to find a companion in order that he may be your partner in acquisition of knowledge and your companion in your religious and secular matters, look for five qualities in him.

1. Intelligence. There is no good in the companionship of a stupid/ignorant man. Companionship with such a man end in isolation and separation. An enemy who is intelligent is better than a friend who is ignorant.

'Ali, may Allah be pleased with him said:

"Do not be in the company of an ignorant friend;

Beware of him and let him beware of you.

How often an ignorant man has brought destruction

to a forbearing man who has befriended him."

2. Good character. Do not be the companion of a man whose character is bad. He is one who is unable to control himself when he is angry and is overly excited when he desires something.

'Ali, may Allah be pleased with him said:

"Your true friend is he who is always with you,

And he who harms himself in order to help you,

And he who, when calamities of the time break you,

scatters his cloak in order to save you."

3. Piety. Do not be the companion of a fasiq who persists in major sin. This is because he who fears God does not persist in major sin, and he who does not fear God may cause you mischief; indeed, his attitude towards you will change with the changes in his luck and conditions.

Beware, because the constant sight of sin will remove the dislike of sin from your mind and will create the feeling that sin is something light.

4. Absence of greed. Companionship of a man greedy for the worldly matters is DEADLY poison, for human nature is such that the nature of one man tends to resemble that of another and to imitate it; indeed, a man's nature steals the qualities of another man's nature in such a way that he is not aware of it. Therefore, association with a greedy man will increase your greed.

5. Truthfulness. Do not be the companion of a liar, for he is like the mirage; he will show that which is remote near to you and that which is near remote from you.

. . . .

Men are of three categories:

One is like food from which no one can be independent.

Another is like medicine which is needed sometimes but not always.

The third one is like a disease which is never needed but with which man is sometimes afflicted.

~~~

[An excerpt from "Bidayat al-Hidayah" (Beginning of Guidance) by al-Imam al-Ghazzali]

Al-Imam al-Ghazali on the Duties of Brotherhood

The whole Community of Believers is conceived of as a great brotherhood. ' Surely the believers are but brothers. So set things right between your two brother, and aware of God - perhaps you will obtain mercy' (Qur'an 49:10).

Know that the contract of brotherhood is a bond between two persons, like the contract of marriage between two spouses. In all, this comprises of eight duties:

The first duty is the material one. The lowest degree is where you place your brother on the same footing as your slave or your servant, attending to his need from your surplus. To oblige him to ask is the ultimate shortcoming in brotherly duty. At the second degree you place your brother on the same footing as yourself. At the third degree, the highest of all, you prefer your brother to yourself and set his need before your own. This is the degree of the siddiq, and the final stage for those united in spiritual love.

The second duty is to render personal aid in the satisfaction of needs, attending to them without waiting to be asked, and giving them priority over private needs. Here too there are different stages, as in the case of material support. The lowest degree consists in attending to the need when asked and when in plenty, though with joy cheerfulness, showing pleasure and gratitude. In short, your brother's need ought to be like your own, or even more important than your own.

The third duty concerns the tongue, which should sometimes be silent and at other times speak out. In short, you should keep silent about any speech unpleasant to your brother in general and in particular - unless obliged to speak out to promote good and prevent evil, and even then only if you can find no valid excuse for saying nothing. The lowest degree in brotherhood is where you treat your brother as you would wish to be treated yourself, and there is no doubt that he would expect you to veil his shame and keep quiet about his misdeeds and faults. Know that the mainstay of brotherhood is concord in word and deed, and compassion.

The fourth duty is to use the tongue for speaking out. Just as brotherhood calls for silence about unpleasant things, so it requires the utterance of favourable things. You should use the tongue to express affection to your brother, and to enquire agreeably about his circumstances. For brotherhood means participating in joy and sadness.

The fifth duty is forgiveness of mistake and failings. The failing of a friend must be one of two kinds; either in his religion, through the commission of an offence; or in his duty to you, through an omission in brotherhood. In the case of religion, where he commits an offence and persists in it, you must advise him kindly so as to supply his deficiency, put his affairs in order, and restore him to a correct and virtuous state. As for his error in brotherly duty, by which he causes alienation, there is no disagreement on the proper course being forgiveness and patience. Indeed, whenever a good interpretation is possible, or an excuse - whether obvious or far-fetched - can be advanced, this obligatory in the duty of brotherhood.

The sixth duty is to pray for your brother, during his life and after his death, that he may have all he might wish for himself, his family and his dependants.

The seventh duty is loyalty and sincerity. The meaning of loyalty is steadfastness in love and maintaining it to the death with your brother, and after his death with his children and his fellows. For love is for the sake of the Other Life. If it is severed before death the work is in vain and the effort wasted.

The eighth duty is relief from discomfort and inconvenience. You should not discomfort your brother with things that are awkward for him. Rather you should ease his heart of its cares and needs, and spare him having to assume any of your burdens. Such then are the duties of fellowship. Therefore you must bind all your faculties to their service.

These manners of the Outer are only the title page of the Inner and Purity of Heart. When hearts are purified there is no need of formality to display their content.

He who looks to the fellowship of creatures will sometimes be crooked and sometimes straight. But he who looks to the Creator is bound to the Straight Path both inwardly and outwardly.

His inner is adorned by love of God and his creatures. His outer is beautified by worship of God and service to His servants, for these are the highest kinds of service to God, since there is no way to them except by good character. The slave can attain by the goodness of his character to the degree of the upright keeper of fasts - and beyond.

~~~

[http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=7&ID=2001&CATE=17]

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Stories of Sincerity

A pious man was travelling on a boat that was transporting a hundred containers of wine for a cruel king. The pious man smashed ninety-nine containers with his stick. When he reached the last one he left it alone. When they reached the destination, the king's employees turned him over to the king and related the entire incident.

The king asked, "When you had dared to smash ninety-nine containers why did you spare the last one?"

The man replied, "I smashed them on account of hatred for Allah's sake. Now you may do whatever you wish."

The king reiterated, "Then why did you spare the last one?"

The pious man replied, "After having broken ninety-nine containers my nafs became pleased at the thoughts of my bravery. Thus if I had done anything with this new spirit it would not have been purely for the sake of Allah. Therefore I did not break the remaining container."

The sincerity of the pious man moved the king so much that instead of punishing him, he repented and resolved to never drink wine. He then smashed the last container himself.

~~~

There is a famous story about Sayyiduna 'Ali, may Allah be pleased with him. He was fighting against a disbeliever and had the intention of killing him due to hatred for the sake of Allah. After Sayyiduna 'Ali subdued him and sat on his chest with the intention of killing him, the man spat on his face. Sayyiduna 'Ali at once let him go. The man was amazed and said, "You should have become even more angry due to my spitting at you and should have hastened in killing me. Why did you spare me?"

He, may Allah be pleased with him. replied, "Due to this action of yours my nafs became involved and my intention did not remain purely for the sake of Allah."

When approached by a nammam (talebearer) . . .

“Imam Nawawi says:

Having summarily mentioned that talebearing (namimah) is unlawful, with the evidence for this and a description of its nature, we now want to add a fuller explanation of it. Imam Abu Hamid Ghazali says, “Talebearing is a term that is usually applied only to someone who conveys to a person what another has said about him, such as by saying, ‘So-and-so says such and such about you.’ In fact, talebearing is not limited to that, but rather consists of revealing anything whose disclosure is resented, whether resented by the person who originally said it, the person to whom it is disclosed, or by a third party. It makes no difference whether the disclosure is in word, writing, a sign, nodding, or other; whether it concerns word or deed; or whether it concerns something bad or otherwise. 

The reality of talebearing lies in divulging a secret, in revealing something confidential whose disclosure is resented. A person should not speak of anything he notices about people besides that which benefits a Muslim to relate or prevents disobedience.

Anyone approached with a story, who is told, ‘So-and-so says such and such about you,’ must do six things:

(1) disbelieve it, for talebearers are corrupt, and their information is unacceptable,

(2) tell the talebearer to stop, admonish him about it, and condemn the shamefulness of what he has done;

(3) hate him for the sake of Allah Most High, for he is detestable in Allah’s sight, and hating for the sake of Allah Most High is obligatory;

(4) not think badly of the person whom the words are supposedly from, for Allah Most High says, ‘Shun much of surmise’ (49:12);

(5) not let what has been said prompt him to spy or investigate whether it is true, for Allah Most High says ‘Do not spy’ (49:12);

(6) and not to do himself what he has forbidden the talebearer to do, by relating it to others.”

[An excerpt from “The Reliance of the Traveler”]

~~~